I CHOOSE HAPPINESS

I am not a rebel. But I am neither a conformist. I have human and Nature’s values. I don’t much care for the unmindful ways of the majority. So, I don’t fit in.
In social functions where Men of my age group are discussing politics, investments or acquisitions, I have little to contribute in terms of conversation. I am silent, bored and simply wish I could slip away from the crowd.
The same reaction follows in religious gatherings, and family occasions, where I wish to get over it and rush home to my silences.
But I need to keep my mind occupied with something stimulating and interesting. Being a natural artist, and having some exposure to photography,  art works, printing I find the smart phone to offer me some escape.
I think that almost for the past year I have been learning hands-on editing of photographs with the many apps available on Play Store.   The only time I feel alive and eager is when I edit pics.
So daily editing, also involves daily sourcing of ideas; both verbal and pictures and photographing, that I fine tune to suit my needs.
Thus I have taken it as a commitment to myself to post at least one picture of myself daily on Facebook and Whatsapp status.
While I have my admirers, it is not without the critics; who are not critical of my work but of me. They feel I am crazy and not like them.
I don’t read newspapers, I don’t watch news or TV serials. I cannot sit through a movie until it is very interesting.
But I can sing. I have posted songs on Youtube. And pics on social media.
The problem others have with me is, that I am always happy, being creative. I am not dull. I don’t seek happiness outside of me. All of these even as I turn 65 years old.
So people say, “ what is wrong with this guy? It is not right for someone to be this happy.”
Whatever the choices we make, there are always going to be the critics.
I choose happiness.     
The rest can go to hell.

SAVIOR TECHNOLOGY

Recently I got an Smartphone… an instrument and technology which changed my lifestyle. I was already active on Face book and whatsapp  and the Smartphone gave a new dimension to the postings on these social media.

My collective experiences as a self taught artist, visual aid coordinator, being around a professional photographer while he worked …… all these added a sense of wholeness in any attempt at artistic expressions.

Initially, it was about getting the pictures right with regards to lighting, cropping and color corrections.  

But they were not to my satisfaction. So I went from selfie mode to timer mode. 10 seconds lead time before I pose.

Meanwhile, as I was seeing a video, I thought it would be good to capture a particular frame. In Playstore I found a wonderful app called Frame shot video image capture.  It could capture many frames in each video. So I moved from timer mode to video mode. Using the front camera I could record many poses and short list the ones that were good.

Then I went into the apphunt mode. I downloaded Face blemishes cleaner and photo scars remover app, which could correct pictures perfectly.

The Auto photo cut paste app, could remove existing backgrounds and replace them with backgrounds of our choice.

The Image editor app could color correct pictures, and add text to it. The highlight was that, you could copy paste text in it.

Screenshot touch is an app which lets you capture any frame of a video .

So with the battery of apps I got busy with editing pictures like a maniac on the loose…

These apps are keeping me busy, occupied and very importantly kept boredom away.

The Smartphone is a blessing to the seniors, like me.

At 64 years there are not many people who seek my company. The younger age group is interesting, but why would they choose elderly people to hang around with.

My age group guys are busy  discussing politics, diseases and insecurities. Not the type I would like to spend time with.

So, technology is my savior. If I am busy with the social media, you tube, painting, some attempts at singing and blogging, my day goes by without hanging heavy on my shoulders. And I don’t bother the people around me and am able to keep to myself with my hobbies.     

Just see what I did with the apps…

Got this idea from this screenshot of a video

Edited the picture

Frame capture from my video

Cropping the picture

Doing away with the background

Superimposing my picture on the background.

The final picture

And these have kept me busy , occupied and happy for many hours.

MESMERIZING MUSIC

I have a keen ear for music. So even as I take a walk, or pass a tea stall, if any good song is playing, it registers in my mind.

Before CDs came into market, I used to purchase at least 5 cassettes every month.

Sometimes I stumbled upon excellent personal albums.

One such cassette was a collection of devotional songs by S.P.Balasubramaniam, one of the most melodious singers of our times. This cassette I purchased in 1990.

This cassette had songs written and music composed by the same person, Ravi. All the songs were sung by SPB.

Of the ten odd songs two were outstanding in music and lyrical content. 

My favorite was the song, “Poo malarvadu pol”, a song written in praise of Saraswathi, the Goddess  of knowledge and arts.

As technology changed I got the song transferred to a pen drive, and later to my smart phone.

The lyrics though good were complicated. So even though I knew the tune I could not sing the song fully.

The song was in Tamil. Even though Tamil is my mother tongue, I could not write it well, as it was not my language in my school.

But the problem was solved with, http://tamil.indiatyping.com/  where we key in English and it is converted to Tamil. 

This is the song.

பூ மலர்வது போல் உயிரிடை நீ மலர்வதனால்

நீ மலர்ந்ததும் மனம் முழுவதும் தீ வளர்வதனால்

தீ மலரென  நான் அழைத்ததும் வா கலைமகளே

தீ சுடரிடை தேன் மழையென தா கவிதைகளே

நீர் நிலைகளில் மீன் புரள்வதுபோல் நினைவிடையே

கார்முகில்களும் தாரகைகளும் தாம் உலவிடவே

வெண்நிலவெனவே எழுந்திடும் புன்னகை ஒளியே

புன்னகை இடை பொன்மழையென தா கவிதைகளே

புல் நுனிகளில் வெண்பனி துளி வந்து அமர்வதுபோல்

என் உணர்விலும் உன் சதங்கைகள் நின்று  அசைந்திடுமே

கண்மணிகளில்  விண்மணிகளின்  நிழல்  விரிவது போல்

உன் சதங்கைகளில் கவிதைகள் வந்து உயிர்த்திடுமே

கவிஞர் – ரவி

Now with the lyrics in hand I sang the song in 2017, almost 27 years after I got the cassette,  and have posted it on you tube. Kindly listed by clicking on the link. https://youtu.be/RrQDsBXIBFU Hope you too enjoy the song.

Thank you. 

CELEBRATING CHANGE.

I am one who is trendy. I am 63 years old. But I still am well kept, thanks to genetics. I eat sensibly, sleep well, have a stroll for 30 minutes a day, be happy and find humor in all situations.

So, when I watch the TV, I note the latest trends, and adapt anything that suits me. For quite sometime, I had wanted to grow a beard, like the guys of now-a-days.

The process of growing a bread is painful as it gives a sickly look. So I had to postpone the idea. I still work, as a trainer, so looking sick is not good, while training.

My mother passed away on July 7^th peacefully in her sleep. She was in good health at 90 years. So I did not mourn her death as much as I would miss her.

According to our tradition, men are not supposed to shave during the mourning period. No one, either  in the office or home  could make any negative comment about  the growing beard during this period.

So in mourning I had also got a chance to fulfill my long pending desire to sprout a beard. First in a few days I had a salt and pepper beard. I was not sure whether it really suited me.

This is how I looked without a beard

So I uploaded my picture on facebook, to check out the comment.

The results were encouraging.  283 likes. 54 positive comments.

It was time to take it to the next level.

I trimmed it, as was the recent trend, and dyed it deep brown, on 3^rd August morning. As I washed off the dye, half an hour later, and checked my image in the mirror, I was taken aback by the result.

It was the first time in my entire life, I was totally impressed. It was so amazing to see  a much younger reflection of myself in the mirror. It was like oh WOW.

So the next step was to upload the pic on FB. The feed back did a lot to boost my confidence.

435 like and 49 positive comments.

I dressed with extra care that day and made it to the office.

My colleagues said I HAD FINALLY ARRIVED.

It was a good day. My spirits were buoyant, and I never felt so good about myself in a long time.

I still feel good. Thanks to the beard that made the difference.

 

 

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MISFITS

My mother is 88 years today. It is her birthday. But she does not want to talk to me. Why? It is because of her adamancy and wrong value systems.

She has been an independent person. Too independent to be a mother. She has had her way, all the time, always. She has never questioned herself, whether her decision and actions were right or wrong. Whether it would do her family and children good or bad. Whether it would cause them pain or not. She was only bothered about having her way.

It was always I, Me, Myself.

Normally it is the children who misbehave, and parents who correct them. But in our family it was the other way around. They would misbehave, and we had to put up with the moods and forgive them each time.

Now I am 63 years old, and I have become tired of tolerating and forgiving.

So when she refused to take my call. I let go. Enough is enough.

I am not blaming her.

She was married at the young age of 13. She was not marriage material at all. She had no wife or parental instincts. But no one asked for her opinion, in those olden times.

She used to dance well and was good at acting. She had aspired to make it up in movies. She would have fitted the industry, glove in hand. With her wayward and I don’t give a damn attitude, together with her thirst for money, popularity and fame, she would have used and thrown everyone to become No.1.

But, it was not to be so. She was caught up, in a society where she could not be herself. Living a frustrated life, where reality was so drab and dull before her technique color dreams, she did give a damn, about her husband or children.

It hurts. When I, a person so caring and affectionate, is being treated like dirt. But I am this way. I believe in doing my duties as much as she allows me to. Going out of the way has become a practice for me.

With the escalating cost of a senior citizen home, diapers and personal attendant, she is high maintenance.

All this trauma for me, because of attitudinal problems of my mom.

Now why am I saying this?

First check the material you are made up of.

You may a lover material but not a husband or father stuff. Be a lover. Don’t punish some person by marriage. If you are not parent material, do not have children.

You need not do things which do not suit you. If you do, then not only do you punish yourself but also your family who do not deserve your wrong attitude.    

In this century, where people take pride in being LGBT, you too have to come out your closet, and admit to yourself first, that this is what I am. And I take full responsibility for that. And I will not punish some innocent soul with my wrong decisions.