MISFITS

My mother is 88 years today. It is her birthday. But she does not want to talk to me. Why? It is because of her adamancy and wrong value systems.

She has been an independent person. Too independent to be a mother. She has had her way, all the time, always. She has never questioned herself, whether her decision and actions were right or wrong. Whether it would do her family and children good or bad. Whether it would cause them pain or not. She was only bothered about having her way.

It was always I, Me, Myself.

Normally it is the children who misbehave, and parents who correct them. But in our family it was the other way around. They would misbehave, and we had to put up with the moods and forgive them each time.

Now I am 63 years old, and I have become tired of tolerating and forgiving.

So when she refused to take my call. I let go. Enough is enough.

I am not blaming her.

She was married at the young age of 13. She was not marriage material at all. She had no wife or parental instincts. But no one asked for her opinion, in those olden times.

She used to dance well and was good at acting. She had aspired to make it up in movies. She would have fitted the industry, glove in hand. With her wayward and I don’t give a damn attitude, together with her thirst for money, popularity and fame, she would have used and thrown everyone to become No.1.

But, it was not to be so. She was caught up, in a society where she could not be herself. Living a frustrated life, where reality was so drab and dull before her technique color dreams, she did give a damn, about her husband or children.

It hurts. When I, a person so caring and affectionate, is being treated like dirt. But I am this way. I believe in doing my duties as much as she allows me to. Going out of the way has become a practice for me.

With the escalating cost of a senior citizen home, diapers and personal attendant, she is high maintenance.

All this trauma for me, because of attitudinal problems of my mom.

Now why am I saying this?

First check the material you are made up of.

You may a lover material but not a husband or father stuff. Be a lover. Don’t punish some person by marriage. If you are not parent material, do not have children.

You need not do things which do not suit you. If you do, then not only do you punish yourself but also your family who do not deserve your wrong attitude.    

In this century, where people take pride in being LGBT, you too have to come out your closet, and admit to yourself first, that this is what I am. And I take full responsibility for that. And I will not punish some innocent soul with my wrong decisions.