SECOND INNINGS

When children grow up the physical and mental developments are marked by milestones. When we as parents see this we are happy. When my son was about six months old, my wife was carrying him in her arms. I stretched my arm towards him and said, “ Come come to daddy.”  He immediately inclined himself forward to come to me. I held him and carried him in my arms. This was the first time I had seen my child understand a communication and react properly.

This was the first milestone which I noticed and really enjoyed. This was besides, turning over in the bed, and swimming and crawling on the floor.   

Then later one evening we were all sitting outside our home and since it  was becoming dark we came in. my son started crying. We did not know why. We had locked the door as we came in. when we lowered him to the floor, he crawled all the way to the door and started tapping the door with his tiny hands and continued crying. He meant that he wanted to be outside for some more time. We were surprised as to how effectively the child could tell us what it wanted. We sat out side for some more time.

One day one of my friends came home and we gave him some fruit juice to drink. The moment my son saw this he started to climb all over the guest chasing the drink.

As he grew up we put him in school in the pre-kg. One day as I was going through some printed book, he came and sat next to me. He started reading the alphabets. He read, T…H…R…E…E…. Then it dawned on him that this was a word he knew. With great excitement he said, “Dad it is three.”  

The next word was also read, by him. He read slowly, V……….I……..T……….A…….L

 He pronounced it as vital, I corrected him. I told him that it was vai-tal. He said the word properly and then asked me, “what is the meaning of vital?” This was the first time he wanted to know the meaning of a word. Another  milestone.

Later when he  was in 10^th standard, he wanted to   make volleyball his career.

I counseled him, telling him that the chances of making it big in sports was rare. I encouraged him to study well, as it was a time tested method of regular income and play volley ball with happiness of a hobby.

He understood the logic, and did well both in academics and sports.

This was a milestone in logic and maturity.

He graduated in studies and got a job and for the first time, left Chennai and went to Mumbai for his career.

When we saw him off at the airport and were returning home in a cab, every teenager who came before our cab looked like our son. I told with my eyes full of tears to my wife that all the boys look like him. She nodded as she was already crying.

I have in my memory all the wonderful moments which I son gave me as he grew up from an infant to a man. Each stage of children’s life is wonderful. They give us so much pleasure, just by being with us.

When my son was born I got a small wall hanger, with the following words.

A child will make nights longer and the days shorter

A child will make clothes shabbier and pay - packets emptier.

A child will make the past forgotten and the future worth living.

How true. A child makes us live our own childhood a second time.

RESPONSIBILITY AND RESTRAIN

Last year in the month of November, one of my young relatives met with an accident. He is in the last year of his engineering course. Just before his final exams were to begin this accident took place. He was returning home from college, with his friends on bikes.

Two were riding before him, and one was following him.

No one was able to recall, what exactly happened. This boy skidded on coarse dusty gravel on the road and fell down, with the bike on his left.

As the bike fell down he managed to shift on his right side, and for maintaining balance sat on the road. As he was about to get up, a car which right behind him slammed on the brakes, but not before the bumper guard gently tapped his ribs. Three of his left side ribs were fractured.  The friend who was following him, put him in an auto, and admitted him in the nearest private hospital.

His friends call his parents, who rushed to the hospital. I joined a few hours later. The    X -rays, and scan reports showed that no other part of the body was damaged, except the ribs.

The boy was admitted into the ICU and the doctors inserted a tube in his left chest to drain out the fluids to facilitate breathing.

After 2 days he was shifted to a private room.

He was in the hospital for 14 days and then discharged. The bill was around 1.5 lakhs Rupees, which was settled by the medical insurance.

During these 14 days the schedule of all the close relatives, went for a toss. I stayed during the nights in the hospital, and my wife stayed with the boy’s mother [who was her younger sister], in their house.

His parents, uncle, aunties, grand-parents, took turns in taking care of him.

He then was in bed rest for almost 2 months before he could venture out.

While the incident once again reiterated the importance of relations, the coming togetherness, the co-operation, the affection and love, it also disclosed the price of carelessness.

The tensions and worry of the parents, their helplessness in times of stress, the daily routine that was displaced by chaos was needless, and could have been steered clear of.

One moment of sloppiness, put so many people into unwanted strain.

The boy had could not attend his exams. He has lost a valuable 6 months in finishing his studies. He could not lie down on his left side for 2 months, and had to lie flat on his back. The recovery was slow and not comfortable. Today he is back to normal, but only after 4 months of unnecessary suffering.

When a relative meets with an accident, the entire life routine, finances, and emotions all are thrown into uncertainty and disarray.  

All of which can be avoided with a small sense of responsibility and restrain.

MOTHER

My mother is a very brave person, very gutsy and is living life on her own terms. She has become blind, but that has not prevented her from compromising on anything in life. She  is demanding, likes her own space, and is sharp as ever, even at old age. Today is her 85^th birthday.

She is a person whom I admire, and I have been her fan right from my childhood.

I was artistic from my formative years and started to draw so early that I do not remember when I began to do my first scribbling.

When I was 6years I drew the picture of the Hindu Goddess of wealth,  “Lakshmi.” I drew it in color pencil. The Goddess was seated on a lotus. But I could not draw her hair properly. When I asked my mother for help, she suggested to me, and I could draw the hair well. When it was over, I showed the drawing to her. Immediately she said, “ It has come out very well. It looks beautiful.” Then she put some gum on the back of the drawing and stuck it inside the wardrobe where we kept money.  She said, “Let the drawing be here, so that it brings us wealth.”

That is the encouragement I still remember, and recall with a smile.

Once when she was sorting our old magazines, to be sold to the waste paper man, who collected old materials by the weight, and paid money for it. I was just 5 years then and I was seeing the picture in the magazines. While I was turning the pages, I came across a   5 Rs. note. I showed it her. She pinched my cheeks and said, ”Thank you, I will get you a shorts for this cash. “

Next day she got me a twinkle material shorts. It was about 6 PM in the evening. She made me stand on a chair and made me wear the shorts. It was crimson-ish orange  in color and it shone in the evening light. I loved the color and the day is still fresh in my memory.

Today when I asked her what she wanted, for her birthday, without hesitation she said, “ Gulab Jamuns, “ a traditional Indian sweet.

She is always very sure about what she wants, and clear about what she does not want. She is a person of zero confusion. She is practical, and a no non-sense person.

I have learnt to be forthright, clear in thinking and frank after her.

So,this evening I will meet her with her Birthday present , and I hope it brings a lot of sweetness in her sun set years.    

SMOKER’S SONG

Everyday I take the bus to my office from the same stop. It is around 8.45 in the morning. In the bus stop while I wait for the bus to come, I get entertained by an old man. He is blind and plays a lively tune on his flute. Not very good in his music but somehow he manages to get a decent tune from his flute. In spite of his age and disability, he is there each day and plays predictable music.

I admire this person who is in his 60^th year and does not beg for a living.

He has a head full of white abundant hair, wears a dirty white shirt and a soiled khaki pants.

Each day I put some money in his collection bowl, for his dignity and music. Then my bus comes and I scurry into it and leave behind the man and his music.

Today like any other day, I found the man seated on the pavement.

He dug his hand into a bag and I thought that he is going to pull out his flute.

But he fished out a filter cigarette. As I watched him he differentiated the tobacco end from the filter end by the touch of his fingers and carefully put the filtered end between his lips. He pulled out a match box from his shirt pocket. I was watching with interest and wondered how he would light his cigarette. He pulled out a match stick, and felt for the head of the match, and got both the stick and the box very close to his cigarette. He struck the stick against the match strip and as it caught fire he immediately got it close to the cigarette, and inhaled as it smoldered with fire.

He relaxed and inhaled deeply and enjoyed the smoke calmly.

As the cigarette burnt down to the end he expertly squashed it under his footwear. Now he was ready to work. Then he pulled out the flute from his bag and played a peppy tune.

Rich or poor, each is entitled to their habits and happiness.

I used to think that beggars are always hungry and do not get to enjoy life. I was wrong. Wealthy or otherwise the attitude defines your happiness quotient.

We should grab our chances of mini happiness, before our life goes up in smoke.     

FINALLY VISIBLE

I am of normal height and weight. Not small made, nor lean. I am not handsome, but reasonably good looking. But if I before someone in a crowd I will never get noticed. There is something invisible about my presence. I have always wondered, why people do not notice me. Sometimes I talk loud and clear, and even wear bright colored shirts, so that I get noticed. 

This setback is particularly irritating when I travel in the public transport bus. Once I board a bus, there will be other passengers who have got in at the same stop as I. All of us would crowd the bus conductor to get our travel tickets. Other passengers, would be ordinary people who are wearing dirty clothes and maybe are even from the poorer section of the society. The conductor will notice a person standing on my right, and issue him a ticket. He will then turn to another person on my left and issue him a ticket. Then he will look over my shoulder and issue a ticket to him. Then I will hope that it will be my turn. But no, he will  turn his back to me and issue tickets to every other person in the bus except me. All the time I will be having the correct change and will be repeating my stop name to the deaf conductor at least 10 times. I have tried many strategies but none of them were of any avail.

But after 58 years of being invisible today the most awaited event happened. Today as I got into the bus along with 6 other passengers, the conductor first saw me and took the change from my hand and gave me the ticket to my destination. I felt  really great and happy. Finally I had arrived. I was so happy that I wanted to share this milestone in my life with you  all.   I hope tomorrow is not a let down.

These are small almost meaningless desires in us. But still even when a small unfulfilled desire gets gratified the happiness lingers for the entire day. This incident is one such.  

WHERE HAS LOVE GONE?

This is the story of my friend. He is much younger than I . He fell in love, like everyone else in his late 20s.His girlfriend was an amazing personality. She could have you laughing in splits within no time. Her sense of humor was a class apart. My friend too was a very good person. Caring and ambitious, loving and kind.

They were in love for 4 years. He was hesitant to open up the topic to his conservative parents. One day he mustered enough courage to announce his love to his parents. Hell broke lose. There was drama, followed by melodrama. In the trauma that followed he remained steady, and unwavering. Finally his parents came to terms with his decision.

They delivered a child within a year of marriage.

They were living with his parents. She wanted their own space. He refused, as he felt that his aged parents were good helpful and deserved to be with them. She refused to buy that. They were arguments, fights and a total change of attitudes. All laughter went out of their lives.

Love was replaced with ego adamancy and intentional emotional cruelty.

They realized that staying together as a couple would not work, whether with or without parents. 

Now they are separate and waiting to go to the court to seek a divorce.

All within 6 years of courtship.

The institution of marriage is very demanding. Couples take each other for granted and have very little sensitivity to each others needs.

Most marriages are not successful. But we can do our level best to stop it from becoming a complete failure.

One in a thousand marriage work by itself. The remaining 999 marriages have to be made to work.

Does any arrangement bring only happiness? The answer is NO. Marriage is an arrangement, made by the society, and it cannot rise to the demands of a lifetime relationship. All of us spend our lifetime with someone, we feel, we hardly ever know.   

And the nagging doubt always remains. In the list of priorities of your partner, where are you? Are you in the first or last or in-between , or not at all present?

Our school and college syllabus teaches us many subjects, but it does not prepare us emotionally for life. There is never a subject in the curriculum called inter personal skills.

If someone could teach us early in life, the art of getting along, then there would be no need for such estrangements