Monday, 27 January 2014

ALWAYS IN CONTROL

In some Indian films, we have a typical Eloping scene, normally towards the climax. The entire village will be chasing the teenage pair, brandishing sickles and swords. The pair will run for their lives, and towards the end of ends, will dash and manage to just board a moving train, while the avengers watch helplessly, as the victorious pair speed away towards their newfound  freedom, to live happily ever after. Ha ha, very funny.
Now let me share some of the Elope stories, of real life, which I have seen from time to time.
This girl in my neighborhood was going to college. Those days were the landline days.  Very few people had phones, in 1977. We had one in our house. She used to make calls from our house, making it obvious, during the call, that she was talking to a girl.
She daily used to go to Special Classes, in her college. These classes used to start as early as 8 AM. But she was actually going to meet her boy friend. She bunked classes, and since her attendance had dropped dangerously, the college authorities sent a letter to her dad. She did not know this.
Next day as she left for her Special class , her father stopped her and asked her, “ Where are you going dear?” She replied, “To special classes dad. “ Her dad said, ”Wait, I will also come with you.” He went into the house to get dressed.
She moved very fast, went in grabbed what little gold jewelry she could and by the time her father came out, she had disappeared.
Her dad went to the police and with their help tracked the pair down, after 2 days, in a lodge in a small town in Tamilnad. She was dragged home, and forced into a” hush hush marriage” with one of her relatives within few months. Her boy friend disappeared, as he was only a college student and did not have any income to sustain their love. Now, she must have come to terms with the realties of life, after bearing two children through the arranged marriage. Her present husband still does not know that he is married to such an adventurous woman.
Let us move two more years. In 1979, while I was working as a representative in Salem, I met this young dashing guy. He was a medical representative. He took me to his home. It was a very small house, with no amenities.  It had tiled roof, and the walls were cemented, without a coat of white wash. His wife  welcomed us and made us some tea to drink.  His was a sad story. Son of a very rich industrialist, he was born with,  a silver spoon in his mouth. As fate would have it he fell in love with this girl, now his wife. She came from a very poor family.
When  this boy stated his love to his dad,  his dad became furious. His dad not only was rich, but was adamant, status conscious, and vengeful by nature. His dad decided to set henchmen to kill the girl. When this guy came to know of his dad’s plan, he eloped with the girl to Salem, with what little money he could manage to lay his hands on. Fearing death at his dad’s hands, the young couple lived in anonymity, poverty and insecurity.

Same year, I meet this guy in the bus stand. He has a dirty  shirt and a dhothi, and is barefooted. He sees me drinking tea and smoking  a cigarette and requests me to get him a tea and cigarette in faultless English. I am surprised, that such a filthy person could speak so well. I get him what he wants. While savoring his tea, he tells me his sad story.  A college student, he too fell in love, got his girl pregnant and had to get married in a hurry in a local temple. When he took his wife home, predictably his dad, threw them out into the streets. He left his wife with one of her friends, and somehow had to get a job to survive.
I met him a few years later, to know that his wife had married someone else, with a good income, as the earlier marriage with him had no witnesses and nor was placed on record.  Now a forced bachelor and a spurned lover, he had returned to stay with his accepting dad, as a prodigal son.
Now we are in 1989. Same story. Rich boy, poor girl. Father villain. Dad throws son out of the home. Son is on the streets. He somehow manages to get a job with a meager  income, gets married to the girl of his choice, and lives on a shoe string budget. Sad part of the story is, the dad is a famous script writer for Tamil films, and has written lots of dialogues supporting the teenagers in love, of course on screen only. Off screen he is just one more mindless dad.
I have not kept in touch with any of these run away couples. I do not know whether they are successful now or not.  
Their decision to get married before they became financially secure, and independent  was a great mistake, no doubt. But what turned the marriages into such suffering was the obstinate parent. It takes no money to fall in love. Emotions alone are enough. But to get married and stay wedded,  requires financial stability. As parents we get our children whatever they like, be it a shirt, or a bag, or a skirt or a watch. We satisfy our children’s likes, for all inanimate things. But we deny their love for an animate person, who is waiting with love affection and faith to make our children happy for life.
All the marriages mentioned above, would have succeeded in the first instance with the love and support of the parents.  But why should parents have this inborn hostility towards the spouse of their children beats comprehension. Maybe we love our   children as long as they decide on minor issues and obey our wishes on major decisions of their life. Running someone’s life could be  the greatest source of joy for the ones wanting to be always in control.


  

No comments:

Post a Comment